So I got on the bus. Booyah. And then I got off with some other foreigners near Durbar Square and realized... where the hell am I? This is not the same stop I got off at last time. Shit. I'm lost. I ended up walking along the side of a busy road for awhile with my big backpack and water bottle full of TANG. I looked like a hitchhiker- hairy legs, dusty feet, and all. Man I looked good.
But, using some of the common sense I have acquired, I thought hmm lots of local buses are turning down the street up ahead, maybe the bus station where I need to be is that way! So I followed the buses, asked some Nepalis for directions, or at least those who could speak English, and FINALLY found a place that I recognized. I made it to the orphanage eventually. Thank god for my memory and sense of direction. I wouldn't have made it otherwise.
I've been at the orphanage for a few days and it has been interesting so far, as the kids do all the work and chores and don't let me help... but they are wonderful and super respectful! Some of the most respectful people I have ever met actually. But instead of talking about the orphanage, I'd like to spend some time talking about what it's like to travel alone. Because right now, I am sitting at a cafe in Bhaktapur Durbar Square and it's lonely.
Here is my list:
1. Traveling alone is scary. When you aren't the most outgoing individual and often view people as threats, how scary it is to speak up and ask for help. And when you also don't have sky high confidence, how scary it is to feel like everyone is looking at you as you wander down the street looking lost. I don't always feel scared, but sometimes I do because all my experiences here are new and bring the unknown. There will always be at least one time when you feel genuinely scared while traveling alone.
2. Traveling alone is freakin amazing. Look at all the people I have met and experiences I have had! If I had not come to Nepal by myself, I would have missed out on meeting the awesome individuals I now can call my friends. If I had come with another person, I would probably not have had some of the conversations I have had with other foreigners and Nepalis, because I wouldn't have been so vulnerable and open to the idea of meeting new people if I already had a friend to talk to.
3. Traveling alone takes serious courage, man. I don't know how the heck I had enough courage to get where I am now. I surprised myself, I guess. There have been so many situations where I have been forced to step out of my comfort zone, whether it be to ask for a taxi, ask for directions, or deal with everyone staring at me because my skin is white. But needless to say, I have become totally okay with eating at a restaurant by myself. That alone takes some courage because at home, if you are spotted eating at a restaurant by yourself, THAT'S weird. And people judge you, unfortunately. But here there are so many lone travelers that I'm not the only one and who the heck cares if you are by yourself? It means you don't pay attention to what other people think. So the next time you see me by myself in a restaurant or a cafe, don't think "Oh no, why is she by herself? No one eats alone there must be something wrong." Instead, think "Sweet independence." I've definitely become more independent, I've had to. It's a slow process because it doesn't come easily.
4. Traveling alone teaches you acceptance and awareness. I've definitely had my ups and downs on this trip. Not everyday is going to be spectacular and not every day will go just how you planned or wanted. But you have to accept that as a part of the journey. Some days are meant for seeing something new and going out for a drink at night with friends while other days are for chilling and reading a good book on a rooftop in the middle of, say, Kathmandu. I did that just the other day. I sat on the rooftop of my hostel next to the drying laundry and did some reading and writing. And it was awesome! You can't put so much pressure on yourself to always be traveling, always exploring, and always meeting new people. You also need some time to just live and enjoy the quiet. I have become a person, in recent years, that utilizes a "slave-driver" mentality, and always thinks I should be doing something more productive, more interesting, more worthwhile. But by doing that, I forget to enjoy what already exists, what is already in front of me. This has been the hardest part of my personality to change. There is still a part of me that creates unnecessary pressure to always ACHIEVE ACHIEVE ACHIEVE, but it's becoming a smaller part of me. My "observer-self" has become more aware, through traveling alone, of my tendencies and mental habits and so it is easier for me to change these habits as a result of my increased awareness. It is easier for me to know WHY I am sad when I'm sad, why I'm irritated when I'm irritated, why I'm excited when I'm excited. It's all cause and effect, and I'm am the observer, becoming more aware.
5. Traveling alone can be very lonely sometimes. With no internet access or pictures of friends and family from home, sometimes all I have is my journal to listen to my thoughts. So I write when I feel lonely. But this isn't very common that I feel lonely. Only in the past few days has it become more of an issue. When I traveled from Kathmandu to Chitwan nearly two months ago, I cried when I realized I was alone. Things seem so much more intimidating when you have no friends to talk to and help you get through it. And when it is the middle of the night back at home, I can't just call and complain that I'm scared. No one wants to hear that and there's no way for anyone to really help me when I am halfway across the world. I have to suck it up and and deal with it. I'm 21, not a little girl. In the past few days I have met no other volunteers or people my age that I can travel with, I've been on my own. And while it is nice to be alone because I can do whatever I want, when I want, it's also nice to have company. I'd rather have company. But I sit alone in a cafe with WiFi (yesssss WiFi) right now, and its not actually too bad because I can be in contact with friends from home and don't have to sit with myself and only myself. There are people around me!
6. Traveling alone helps you become comfortable with yourself. I have had to be with myself many times on this trip. And even though I have met some really great people, they have come and go. The only person who has stayed with me through it all is ME. Mac dog. So needless to say, I have become more of my own best friend. I think this is an important part of life, to discover yourself- who you are, what you stand for, what you like, what you don't like, what your limitations are. And one great way to make this discovery is to travel to a foreign country alone. Because there are many times where you will have to get yourself from point A to point B and entertain yourself along the way. I've become less self conscious of the fact that I'm alone and have begun to embrace it. With my guide book in hand, I HAVE GOT THIS. Sometimes I have to give myself pep talks before I embark on new journeys. It helps. I'm my own fan.
7. Traveling alone helps you to accept change and impermanence. Nothing on my trip so far has become normal. Everything has changed many times, from where I have slept at night, to the people I have met, to the food I have eaten. My trip has consisted of different stages, changing all the time. You learn to accept this. You have no home base, no sense of real security. But that's the thing about traveling, you get used to this. And it's not only your surroundings that are changing, YOU change as well. You stand for impermanence.
8. Traveling alone teaches you to trust others. There will be some days where you will have to depend on others' directions to get you where you need to be or where you will have to ask a shirtless truck driver where the nearest hotel is when you are stranded in a strange town at night. The person you would have deemed untrustworthy and flaky back home might just be the person who saves the day in the country you're traveling in. Putting your trust in people, but at the same time being cautious about the people you talk to, is important when you travel. You never know until you try. People aren't as scary as they seem. And most of the time, people will love to help you.
9. Traveling alone makes you realize how much you are capable of achieving. YEAH you traveled by yourself! YEAH you bartered your way through the shops of Thamel. YEAH you trekked to Everest when you thought you weren't strong enough. Those are some things I initially thought I wasn't capable of but now realize I am. If you push yourself through uncomfortable situations, which you are bound to come to, you will realize how strong you actually are. Sometimes this requires baby steps and shows itself in very slow progress, but if you look at how far you have come when your traveling is finished, you will see how much you have grown. There is no way you can leave your trip without having more courage than you came with. That's guaranteed.
So that's all the advice I have for now! It's time for me to grab a muffin at Himalayan Java and walk around Bhaktapur some more before heading back to the orphanage. With less than two weeks left, I'm preparing to go home and spend Christmas with the Bowker fam. I would really like to take what I have learned in Nepal home with me, but I realize how difficult it will be with American life bring so much faster-paced and success-driven. Going against the grain is hard when most of your friends are still in school and getting degrees, but I have to remain true to myself and follow my own dreams, however hard that may be. Sometimes society screams so loudly at you to follow one particular path, but once you realize that your life is YOUR life and YOU are in control, anything is possible. There's no rush to achieve any one thing. The most important thing to remember is that there is no destination in life, just a journey of self-discovery and the exploration of the world around us. If you are unhappy in school or unhappy with your job, just step back and ask yourself if this is really what you want to be doing. I took a huge step back from my studies during the spring of my sophomore year, and that was when I seriously considered taking time off. There was a part of me that didn't want to go to classes anymore and continue learning about organic compounds and the effects of binary numbers on the world of technology. Part of me needed a break. And so I listened to that very quiet part of me and finally gave it a chance. And it was that part of me, the part that needed time off, that I now give a huge thank you to because taking a year off from school was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself. If part of you is unhappy for some reason, you should figure why and plan your life accordingly to see that you make a change. Because if you ignore part of yourself, then you'll have some regrets down the road that you'll wish you had avoided.
THANKSSSSSS!! Peace out. Hope you're all doing fantastic.
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